Time to call a spade a spade…

“Don’t let comparison steal your joy”.

Such an inspirational little phrase. I read it and I imagine myself fist bumping myself in my head. Yeah Kayla! Don’t compare yourself, choose joy! Easier said than done. My fantastic ability to compare myself to others is award winning. I am so good at it, half the time I don’t even realize I am doing it. I want her skin, her hair, that house they get to have, her work out discipline….the list goes on and on.

What’s even scarier is when those comparisons go even deeper: I wish my husband did things like her husband did, my writing will never own up to the writing on that blog, why don’t I have more friends like she does. Often times I arrive at a place where those comparisons start eating away at my soul and cause me to question the very characteristics that are good and beautiful and make me uniquely Kayla.

The thing I am realizing is, there is another word for comparison that we like to avoid using because in my opinion, it sounds really harsh. That word is greed. At the end of the day, when I choose to not be thankful, I choose to be greedy. When I walk away from indulging in comparisons, it leaves me with a giant nauseating stomach ache.

I am not saying that this is true for everyone. I just know for myself, its time to call a spade a spade. Its time for me to be a little more real with myself, and its time to be a little more content.

Coffee and Mexico

I’m sitting on my best friends couch tucked under a blanket with a giant mug of fresh brewed coffee (decaf of course) with half and half. I am content.

I love starting off my weeks slowly, because I know inevitably they will turn into sprints, and I have a feeling this week is no exception. After a ridiculously fun but draining weekend where the focus was on my upcoming nuptials, I am thoroughly enjoying a quiet morning of reflection on the upcoming. Next Saturday I leave to head down to Mexico with about three hundred other college students where I will lead the Camp Operations team. I cant wait to cook seven thousand pancakes every morning, take out countless bags of trash, have competitions to see who can throw those bags into the dump truck from the farthest location, take late afternoon naps in the sun, late nights worshiping with thirteen hundred other students, and snuggling into my sleeping bag after it all with some of my closest friends who I have had the privilege of working with for the last two years. I know that God has a special plan for me down there, and I am ready to show up available to be used by Him. This will be my fifteenth and last trip as an undergrad, and some of been really rough. But these trips have changed me, shaped me, and challenged me in ways that nothing else has in college, and I cannot wait to be down there again.

So whats going on until then? A trip to the DMV, a Spanish test, a paper that refuses to write itself, three chapels, an independent study meeting, a job interview,  pack up night for the trip, work, classes, homework, thank you notes form my bridal shower, and a carving for one of my class projects that needs to be finished up. Not to mention eating, sleeping, friends, family, fiance, and oh yeah-showering would probably be a good idea.

Seeing this list makes me wonder why I gave up caffeine-yes forever, not just for lent. I have been living on herbal tea and the occasional decaf beverage since early December, and I deeply believe it is the healthiest choice I have made all year. Not shooting my body up several times a day with stimulants has allowed me to pace myself throughout the day with out crashes, jitters, anxiety, and stomach ulcers. I start my mornings out alert, and end my days quietly. No caffeine has allowed me to attack weeks like this one coming up with a tad more grace.

So, thank you God for this quiet morning and continue to be present in my life today as I learn to walk in your unforced rhythms if grace.