There are lots of things about my summer that were hard. Sob my eyes out, pull my hair, scream at the emptiness I’m feeling when I decide to not trust God, hard. There were so many choices I made that, looking back, I wish I could redo. I had lots of conversations I would untangle and put back together in a different way, lots of times when I should have just laughed instead of pouted, prayed instead of venting to other people, exercised instead of eating more candy.
But today, I’m choosing to remember all the wonderful things that made me fall in love with summer camp. I love standing by the fire at night wrapped in a flannel listening to two hundred kids sing there hearts out to Jesus. I love the crackle and burn, and the occasional spark that makes me jump a little.
I love the people I spend everyday with. I love their sense of humor, the layers of their personalities, and the totally unnatural mating process that happens when thirty people spend ten weeks with only each other and a bunch of crazy kids. I love laughing with them, being vulnerable at just the right times with them, and trusting them with what I’m thinking and feeling.
I LOVE dressing up and dancing around like a nerd and having high school girls look at me and go “how do you not care what people think about you”. It’s so freeing to be comfortable in my own skin.
I love the zipline, and swinging late at night in the dark feeling the wind woosh past my cheeks. I love laying in the pool and tanning my back while people do backflips around me. I love quick showers and not ever getting to nap, and how deeply I sleep at night because of it.
I cherish conversations with those not here with me, joining in on their adventures all over the world. It makes me thankful and I’m humbled by how God has blessed me with such quality relationships.
I have to be honest and say that I do not enjoy eating the same food all the time, but the familiarity of it is something I appreciate, as well as the fact that someone decided that putting burrito night on the same night as dance party night was a good idea.
I am thankful to God that when things are hard, I learn the most about myself, about what I’m capable of, and what he expects of me.
I am glad I serve a God who leaves a lot of mystery in life. I’m glad faith exists, and that He expects me to lean into his power daily. I am glad that at camp, I don’t feel like I have to be perfect, that its ok if I screw up, and that I don’t get graded.
Fall is rapidly approaching, and there are a lot of things I want out of it. I want to plan my wedding with the love of my life, I want to write more, I want to try the 30 day yoga challenge, and spend time with friends. I want to do well in school, and at my job, and be a good daughter and sister.
Tonight though, I am just thankful for summer, and the wild ride it’s been. I am loved by a God that is too big for me to comprehend, and that’s a lot of comfort for my heart tonight.